How we’re not engaging with food (or other humans) when dysregulated.
Resist the limbic take-over!
June 15, 2026 ~ by Marissa Beck, MS, RDN
Hi Reader,
Ever feel like you were so “activated” (i.e., triggered) by a situation that you just “flew off the rails?” If you’re a parent, maybe your kid pushed all the wrong buttons one morning and instead of keeping your cool, you told ‘em like it is. Oof. Been there.
Or maybe something happened in a close relationship and instead of waiting it out, you said things you didn’t mean to say. Yeah…
Firstly, I want to share that this is a normal part of being human. Some people have developed self-regulation tools that help them pivot before it gets messy. Others are still very much in a learning phase, and might berate themselves for not “getting it right” yet.
I’ll connect this to food in a second. But first, let’s talk about what’s actually happening inside your brain at that very moment.
Your brain!
If you can’t tell, I love this stuff. I also love how it is directly connected with eating behavior. But first, to truly see this connection, we have to understand the parts of our triune brain.
When we “flip our lid,” a term from neuropsychologist Dan Siegel, it’s the limbic system doing the heavy lifting, specifically the amygdala.
The amygdala is your brain’s threat detector. The moment it perceives danger (real or imagined), it pulls the alarm and initiates the fight, flight, or freeze response.
This is a deeply useful system when you’re actually running from real danger. The only problem is that your amygdala doesn’t distinguish between a real threat and a frustrating morning when your kiddo isn’t getting on his shoes, and it will sound the alarm either way.
Meanwhile, the reptilian brain is handling the physical execution. Heart racing. Breath shortening. Muscles tensing. It’s not deciding anything, as it’s running the body’s emergency protocols for fight, flight or freeze to kick in.
When that alarm goes off, the neocortex (aka, your rational, reasoning, “let me think this through” brain) essentially goes offline. I talk a lot about this with my clients as “the light switch,” because once it’s off, it’s off.
You lose access to impulse control, perspective-taking, and thoughtful communication. This is just how our brain works (it’s actually very protective, when you think about it! If a tiger was running at you, the last thing you need is to start rationalizing).
When in this state, we are what we’d call: dysregulated. This is where your nervous system is flooded, your thinking brain is unavailable, and you’re operating from “survival mode.”
Now, what does any of this have to do with food?
When we’re dysregulated, food can be one of the fastest tools the body reaches for to come back to baseline. Here’s why…
It actually works. At least in the short term.
Eating triggers a real, physiological response:
- Chewing slows us down.
- Swallowing activates the vagus nerve, which tells your nervous system the threat has passed and it’s safe to stand down.
- Carbohydrates prompt a release of serotonin.
- Fat and sugar light up the brain’s reward circuitry.
- Your nervous system genuinely calms. The flood recedes. You feel better.
If you’re able to see the connection here, this is your brain doing exactly what it’s supposed to do: reaching for the fastest available tool to restore a sense of safety.
So the next time you berate yourself for spiraling after eating past fullness, try to remember: your brain found something that reliably makes you feel better. I’d say that’s pretty resourceful of you (even if you don’t like the aftermath).
But, BUT… Yes, we do need a bigger toolkit. Because ideally, we’re not engaging with food (or other humans) when dysregulated.
I said what I said.
Dealing with the guilt piece
Food is supposed to be soothing. But when we have self-soothed a little too hard or frequently with food, the problem is what comes after, when the limbic alarm has settled down and the neocortex comes back online.
F%#$, says your brain. 😬
This is generally when the guilt is overwhelmingly high. The “why TF did I eat all that again.” And this is the same self-criticism we might feel after we might have said some things we shouldn’t have to someone we love.
Sound familiar? It does because it’s the exact same mechanism.
When we snap at a family member, we’re not a bad person. We’re a dysregulated person who didn’t have a better tool available in that moment.
When we beeline to the kitchen in the middle of a hard afternoon, same thing. We aren’t a bad person for eating too many chips. We’re a dysregulated person who didn’t have a more helpful way to cope.
Ultimately, the goal isn’t to be shamed out of the behavior (p.s. shame never works). Instead, we have to build enough space between the activation and the action that we have a moment (even a brief one) to choose differently.
I call this “the sacred pause.” My clients hear me say this many a time in sessions :)
With a family member, that pause might look like taking a breath before you respond, leaving the room, texting a friend, or naming out loud that you’re activated.
With food, it might look like the same things, plus getting curious about what your body is actually asking for in that moment. Is it:
- Comfort?
- Rest?
- Connection?
- Distraction?
- Sometimes the answer really is food.
- And sometimes food is standing in for something else entirely.
I’ve always loved that old acronym H.A.L.T. (Hungry? Angry/Anxious? Lonely? Tired?) since it halts you to slow down and ask these questions.
The more you practice building that sacred pause to create more space, the more options you have. Not because you’ve eliminated the urge (to yell, to say venomous words, to eat, etc), but because you’ve added more to your toolkit.
Extending grace: the last piece
When we say something we regret to someone we love, most of us know the next move.
You go back, you apologize, and repair. We extend that grace almost automatically to the people around us.
We are much less practiced at doing it for ourselves.
But the same repair is available after a hard moment with food. Instead of a punishment, a reset, or saying “I’ll do better tomorrow” I recommend the following:
A genuine acknowledgment. You might say, “that was hard, I was overwhelmed, and I did the best I could with what I had in that moment.”
This is not letting yourself off the hook. Per the evidence, this is how behavior actually changes. We cannot change through shame, but we can change through enough safety and self-compassion. And trying something different next time.
I want to hear from you: what activates you toward feeling dysregulated Hit reply and tell me, I read every email.
Have a great week, Reader,
P.S. I know, this was long. No TL;DR, sorry. I might turn it into a blog with audio.
P.P.S. next time I drop in your inbox, we’ll be talking about the clean plate club, how you got recruited, why it stuck, and how to quit. IYKYK. 👀
