Imagine a kiddo sitting at the lunch table…not eating a bite. Something about the food is wrong, but if you asked him, he probably couldn’t explain it. He just doesn’t want to eat.
He comes home starving and falls apart, and someone shrugs, saying, “He’s just picky.”
You keep waiting for him to outgrow it.
Now imagine a grown adult who’s eaten the same handful of meals for fifteen years. Who reads a menu with dread and orders around it. He’s used to the teasing and has gotten very good at brushing it off.
Food has always felt complicated.
PS: he didn’t outgrow it.
Sometimes it really is picky eating. But sometimes it’s ARFID, which stands for avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder, an eating disorder in which food restriction isn’t primarily driven by a desire to change weight or body shape.
One of the things that makes ARFID so easy to miss is:
It doesn’t look the same in everyone.
One person might be extremely sensitive to texture, smell, temperature, or how a food is prepared.
Another might eat a decent variety of foods but have so little appetite or interest in eating that getting enough feels like work.
Someone else might start avoiding food after choking, vomiting, experiencing pain, or another scary eating experience.
And plenty of people have more than one of these going on at the same time.
That’s why I’ve been writing a whole series about ARFID.
In the first article, I unpack what causes ARFID, including why it isn’t the result of bad parenting, not trying hard enough, or simply being “too picky.”
It walks through the three main ARFID presentations: sensory sensitivity, low interest in food or eating, and fear of something bad happening when eating, plus what each can actually look like in a child or adult.
If you’ve ever looked at your kid, your partner, or even yourself and thought, Why is eating this hard?, feel free to start with these articles and see what resonates.
ARFID can follow someone well into adulthood when it isn’t recognized or supported. And whether someone meets the criteria for ARFID or is struggling with significant food selectivity outside of a diagnosis, they may still benefit from help understanding what is making eating difficult.
If this lands close to home for you or your kid, I’d love to help. I work with kids, parents, teens, and adults with ARFID and other forms of restrictive eating.
Sometimes having a name for what’s been happening is the beginning of understanding what to do next.
P.S. Wondering whether this is ARFID or more typical picky eating? That deserves its own blog, so that’s where I’m headed next in this series.
P.P.S. In the meantime, if eating is significantly affecting nutrition, growth, school, social life, travel, family meals, or day-to-day functioning, it’s worth getting an assessment rather than simply waiting for someone to outgrow it. I have a referral network of eating-disorder providers I trust, and I also have a few after-school nutrition appointments available right now.
I cannot express how thankful I am to have found Marissa. She is a wealth of knowledge and an incredible motivator. She has changed my life for the better and is such a wonderful person. She can help you develop healthy relationships with food and the knowledge to nurture your body in a way that starts to feel easy.
